Only a mothe r could love this liver
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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