Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
