Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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