If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
