I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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