I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
