You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
