shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
