Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
