bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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