you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The power of my boobs compel you
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
