went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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