Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
