I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
