I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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