didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
