Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
