His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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