Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
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