My first STD was from a foam party
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize