I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
