you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
