There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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