dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
