I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
