I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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