He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
