I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
