If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
