I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
