You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
