Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
