Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
