Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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