There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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