dude i'm inner monologue high
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
