I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
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