so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The beer is more important than you right now.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
