They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
