Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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