Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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