So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
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