just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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