I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
i need some magic done to my vagina
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
