I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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