Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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