You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
