this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
wow bdsm is so cute
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
