Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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