i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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