I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
