oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
